Snape's Revenge
by Merle Charton
Summary: Flitwick goes berserk...and Merle and McGonagall get an idea. Snape doesn't bother to get his revenge...or does he...? WHEE! Chapter FOUR up! Rated PG-13 for *GASP* swearing. Not too bad though ^^;
1. Flitwick's Insane-ness

Disclaimer (aka the legal crap): Why do I bother..I don't own any of the characters except Merle..unless J.K. Rowling would like to loan me the characters ^_^;  
  
  
  
"WHAT THE—" Merle shouted as Professor Flitwick brushed past her one afternoon, screaming "Moo" at the top of his lungs, causing Merle to fall over. She rushed after him, skidding to a halt in front of him leaping up and down in front of Snape, yelling "CAN I BORROW YOUR SHOES?" at him. Snape looked horrified. At that point, Flitwick jumped over him, knocking him over and rolling down the stairs behind him. (A/N: I have no idea how Flitwick did that, but Snape looked pretty freakin' hilarious in the process) Merle rushed down the stairs, casually stepping on Snape's outstretched arm at the bottom of the steps. "Oops, sorry!' she called after him, running to catch up with Flitwick. "I don't believe that!!" he yelled back.  
  
Merle hadn't noticed, she was too busy running after Flitwick, who was now shouting "I want a banana" at McGonagall. Bouncing around her, he rushed off. "All right, who spiked his pumpkin juice this morning?" she yelled. "The Weasley twins, no doubt." Merle said. Merle, who was not paying attention where she was going, ran straight into a wall. "Ugh. Who put this wall here?" she said, staring at a small block of wall that had appeared right in the middle of the corridor. "WEEEE!" she heard from the next hall. A very wide grin appeared on Merle's face. "That gives me the best idea I've ever had." She said. Running back to McGonagall, she hit another extra wall. "Mental note.." she muttered to herself, rubbing her nose. "Steal and hide Flitwick's wand until he's sober again." She continued to rush off to McGonagall.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
When Merle had told McGonagall her plan, McGonagall had an identical smirk on her face. "Brilliant." She commented.  
  
"So, should we do it or not?"  
  
"Are you mad? Of course we should."  
  
"Well, now I'm having doubts..after all, we both work with him.."  
  
"He'll never find out it was us. You're one of the top pranksters in Hogwarts."  
  
Merle smiled.  
  
"I suppose you're right, but.."  
  
"You came up with the plan. Are you going to live it or not?"  
  
"I never thought I'd see the day when you'd be persuading me to do something like this."  
  
McGonagall grinned.  
  
"Well, I've played a trick or two in my day."  
  
Merle grinned as well, then giggled.  
  
"This seems strange..using a potion on the Potions Master."  
  
McGonagall laughed. (A/N: not too loud, mind you.)  
  
"I think we need that book, Moste Potente Potions from the library."  
  
Merle shuddered.  
  
"God, I hate that book."  
  
"I know, but we need it to find out the ingredients."  
  
And the two women set out to the library.  
  
--*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*--  
  
Fin.  
  
How'd ya like it? Now, if you want to see what happens to Snape… (I assume you realized it was him when Merle said, "This seems strange..using a potion on the Potions Master.") ok, see the cute little blue button down there? Click it ^.~ I need either 3 reviews or at least one extremely demanding review to continue XD so DO SO!  
  
GIMME AN R! GIMME AN E! GIMME A V! GIMME AN I! GIMME ANOTHER E! And gimme a W! WHAT'S THAT SPELL? R-E-V-I-E-W! Review! ^_^; 


	2. Snape's 'Great' Idea

Disclaimer: ::dull boring voice:: all characters are owned by their respected owners, Merle is the only one I own, J.K. Rowling and her other geniuses own the rest.  
  
A/N: ::blushes from her last review:: lol, Ivory Tower, there isn't a conspiracy against him..::laughs:: or maybe there is. I have no idea. But, I'm not going to do anything terrible to him..I think?  
  
Sorry about the delay, I've been lazy x_X; really sorry, folks..  
  
Hmm. I can't seem to get the html tags to work. The fics will just have to go without them. ^_^;  
  
~three weeks later~  
  
"The potion's ready." McGonagall said with a hint of triumph on her face.  
  
"Good," Merle said, clasping her hands together. "When do we do it?"  
  
"Tomorrow morning, I'd think."  
  
"Sounds good."  
  
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~the next night at dinner (Halloween feast)~  
  
Almost a second after all the students had been seated, Snape burst into the Great Hall. He looked around, leering at everything he saw, but all of a sudden a wide smile spread over his face, then…"KAREOKE CONTEST!!!" All the students looked horrified, not to mention the teachers. Soon enough, the whole room burst into laughter. The teachers were covering their faces with their hands, grinning like mad, the Hufflepuffs were sitting there, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, the Ravenclaws were snickering and falling over, the Gryffindors were laughing as loud as you'd think was possible, and the Slytherins were all staring at their Head of House with a look of pure terror on their faces. "How long will the potion be in effect?" McGonagall managed to whisper to Merle. "A week." Merle squealed, and they both doubled up laughing again.  
  
Meanwhile, Snape was conjuring things left and right. "And the stage goes there, and excuse me, I need to move this house table.." He didn't have much work to do getting the students to back away from the tables because most of them were on the floor laughing. Now completely redecorating the Great Hall, he was finally finished. He hopped up on stage wearing odd Muggle clothes. Everyone went suddenly quiet, although most of their faces were looking very strange, obviously trying not to laugh. No one had thought that he was serious. He grinned and motioned for the DJ (some random Slytherin whom Snape paid to do the work) to start the music. And so the song started. Now, if you'd been standing outside the Great Hall, you might've thought that someone set off about six thousand Filibuster's Fireworks, for the Hall had just exploded with laughter again. There was no doubt about it; this was the worst Hogwarts had seen in years. Severus Snape, the Hogwarts Potions Master and easily the stiffest and most strict person in Hogwarts was about to sing the Muggle hit 'Pop.'  
  
"Sick and tired of hearing all these people talk about  
  
What's the deal with this pop life and when is it gonna fade out?  
  
The thing you've got to realize is what we're doing is not a trend  
  
We've got the gift of melody and we're gonna bring it 'til the end  
  
It doesn't matter  
  
'Bout the car I drive or what I wear around my neck  
  
All that matters  
  
Is that you recognize that it's just about respect  
  
It doesn't matter  
  
'Bout the clothes I wear and where I go and why  
  
All that matters  
  
Is that you get hyped and we'll do it to you every time  
  
(Come on now)"  
  
And with these last few words, he did a strange hip movement, causing many of the students and even a few professors to laugh so hard that tears came from their eyes.  
  
"Do you ever wonder why this music gets you high  
  
It takes you on a ride  
  
Feel it when  
  
Your body starts to rock and baby you can't stop and the music's all you got  
  
This must be  
  
Dirty pop, dirty, dirty pop  
  
You can't stop  
  
I know you like this dirty pop  
  
This must be"  
  
And he continued to jabber on. A few minutes later, he bounced off stage. Luckily no one had heard him over the tremendous amount of laughing, because he sounded absolutely ridiculous in his process of humiliating himself. "Did you get all that?" McGonagall managed to say to Merle. "Yes, Minerva," Merle replied with a grin on her face and a Muggle video camera in her hand. "I did." 


	3. Potions class + Dinner = Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I dun own nothing. Except Merle.  
  
A/N: Dead sorry about the delay, I've had other things to do…I really need to finish fanfics before I start other ones.  
  
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~the next morning~  
  
Merle sat at her desk, tending to some paperwork, when Snape burst in. Being the only one facing him in the classroom, she was the first to notice the change. "OH MY FRIGGIN' GOD!!" she shouted at him.  
  
"What the heck happened?!" "What?" he said. The Gryffindor students had already burst out in fits of giggles. The Slytherins…well, they were another story. Malfoy put his hand up.  
  
"S-sir, what happened?" he asked, staring at Snape's canary yellow cape. "What do you mean, what happened?" Snape said. "I think Mister Malfoy means the outfit." Merle said, pointing at his shirt. "What's wrong with them?" Snape asked, a look of confusion on his face. Merle put a hand to her forehead, resting her arm on the desk, and snickered.  
  
"Severus, they're yellow."  
  
"And?"  
  
Merle stood up.  
  
"It's unusual."  
  
"How?"  
  
With this, Merle started laughing. She had to lean on her desk to stand.  
  
"You kill me, Severus."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
Merle shook her head.  
  
"Anyhow, turn to page eighty-six."  
  
The Gryffindors had stopped laughing.  
  
They did so, and the class resumed.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
~that night~ (could you just pretend that everyone eats together every night for me?)  
  
Snape walked into the Great Hall, looking perfectly normal. Until he sat down.  
  
"What the hell are you doing?" Merle asked, staring at him with a look of concern.  
  
So it looked, he was trying to balance a spoon on his nose. Merle looked like she was trying very hard not to laugh.  
  
"What does it look like I'm doing?"  
  
And Merle started laughing.  
  
"Being an idiot, I suppose?"  
  
"I resent that."  
  
"Then stop looking like one." Merle said, a hint of annoyance in her voice. "You look ridiculous."  
  
It didn't work. He finally gave up and started making a castle out of mashed potatoes. [Oh crap…] Merle thought. [He's resorted to that…] She got up and left the Great Hall, passing Flitwick, who was still affected and whizzing past her, in the corridors. Finally reaching her room after walking into twelve of Flitwick's invisible walls, she gave the password (duh) and went in (another duh).  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Mindlessly looking around a bookcase, she pulled out a photo album. Flipping through it, the pictures seemed to be from a kareoke day in the Great Hall. Stopping at a picture of two young men and a young woman onstage, she seemed to be deep in thought. She heard a knock at the door. Putting the album down, she went to answer it. "Did you want something?" she asked Lupin, who had appeared in the doorway. "I wanted to know if you were all right," he said nervously. "You don't usually run off like that." She picked up the album and flipped to the page she had before. "What's that?" Lupin asked. Merle stared at him and slapped him upside the head. "Ouch…oh." He said, rubbing his head. And he understood. He looked at Merle and grinned. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" he said. "Only if you're thinking of a re-enactment." Merle said.  
  
center =-=…~*~…=-= /center  
  
DUN DUN DUN! Review, please. ^_^ 


	4. Breakfast and yet another Potions class ...

Disclaimer: If I owned anything, would I be writing a FANFIC, people? I only own Merle…and the plot. Krissy and Eva own themselves. I also own a cookie. ::munch:: Now I don't own a cookie anymore.

Reviwers:

Silawenyai—LOL! Thanks for that idea. Rowling should read this? Jeez, forget Joanne, how about Rickman? *laughs* html sarcasm I'm sure he'd love to make a movie out of this… /sarcasm /html

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~the next morning…~

Walking into the Great Hall and sitting down for breakfast, Merle noticed something unusual…the Great Hall was filled with crepe paper of almost all colors you could imagine floating down from the sky-enchanted ceiling. Many of the students were laughing.

"Remus, I'm beginning to worry about him…" Merle nervously admitted. 

"Merle, it's your own fault, you know."

"I know, but…" Merle said, and started to laugh.

Lupin grabbed a piece of pink crepe paper.

"Care for some?" he said, tearing it up into little bits and throwing them at Merle.

"…You didn't just throw crepe paper at me."

"Oh didn't I?"

"CREPE PAPER FIGHT!" he yelled, causing the entire room to start throwing crepe paper at each other, but it wasn't much use since the crepe paper was so flimsy it just floated down to the ground. Several crepe paper airplanes were flying around. Meanwhile, Snape was petting several pancakes, and when he realized Merle and Lupin were staring at him, he introduced them.

"This is Sam," he said, pointing at one. "And Louise,"

Merle began to crack up, while Lupin had an insane grin on his face.

"They're my pets! This one is George…"

Merle felt as if she was going to die from laughing so hard.

"Now this is entertainment…" Sirius (who is, by the way, the new flying teacher) whispered to Merle and Lupin. 

"Ya think?" Lupin said, still laughing like hell.

"I wonder if we used too much of that potion…" Merle said.

"Nah, this is damn funny. You used the right amount, if you ask me." Sirius said, still snickering.

"And this is Martha." Snape finished.

Merle, Lupin, and Sirius were silent for a minute, then burst out laughing.

"What?"

"You…are so…damned…funny…" Merle said, wheezing with laughter.

Snape had a confused look on his face.

"Is that good?"

"Yes…that's good…very good." Sirius pointed out.

"Okay!" Snape shouted…happily. (A/N: x_X) "If you excuse me, I have to go feed my pet gecko now." He said, walking away. Sirius and Lupin were laughing harder.

"What?" Merle asked. "Geckos are cool…my nephew has one, and it's really cute."

…That didn't exactly help Sirius and Remus' laughter to die down.

~Potions class that afternoon~

Neville had just succeeded in blowing up another cauldron. "LONGBOTTOM!" Snape yelled, walking over to a now very scared Neville. "If you're going to blow up the damn cauldron, at least do it right!" he said, now throwing what the students _thought_ were random ingredients in a cauldron. Everyone was watching him with interest. At last, the potion exploded, shooting straight up and sweeping over the ceiling. The entire class was stunned. "Um…what was that?" Krissy Serp said, staring at the cauldron. Merle was staring as well. "That…was…cool…" she managed to say.

"Ah, thank you." He said.

"Sir, could you show me how to do that?" Eva Tamarushii asked, staring at the ceiling (which was now covered in a deep shade of blue potion) with a look of amusement and a smile on her face.

"…And you want to know because…?"

"Because…" she started nervously, then realized it was safe to say what she was thinking. "That was so frickin' cool!"

Snape…grinned. (A/N: o.O)

"All right then…after all classes are through."

__

[I don't believe it…] Merle thought. _[the potion must've affected not only his hyperness and happiness but his kindness too…] _she smiled. _[this won't last long, that's too bad. I think I like him better this way…]_

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Bleh…the chapters are short o.o Next chapter is Hogsmeade weekend…blah, blah. Review or this fic goes KAPLOOPM! Or not…^__^;; -- Merle


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